I am a 35 year-old African American. I was raised in Worcester, Massachusetts. I am the mother of four boys. I had a hard childhood, and even as an adult I have endured a lot of abuse--physically and emotionally. I have been raped, beaten, cut and I even had a 38 gun put to my head.

For a long time I didn't want to face the demons that were inside me. All the emotions that were supposed to be buried in me had resurfaced slowly, and I struggled with depression for many years. I had to put my children up for adoption because I was not able to provide for them. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It has been 11 years since I gave them up, but now I have two of my boys back. For many years I felt incomplete. My heart was broken, and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. It seemed like my life had stopped. I had to deal with a lot of criticism from my family and people in general.

In 1994 I lost my best friend; another friend killed him. In 1999 I lost my cousin who was everything to me. Losing her was like losing a part of me. I have learned that in life you will experience a lot of good and bad. You can decide whether you want to move on in the positive or stay in the negative. I chose to stay with the positive. I am not going to let my past destroy my future.

I have learned that I am a survivor, and I control my own destiny. I have learned how to control my own happiness. I know I was dealt a bad hand in life, but I choose to be a winner. I am back in school, and I am going to go to college. When I am done, I will overcome any obstacle put in front of me.

Many times my self-esteem was almost destroyed. I can remember getting into fights with men because they would try to control me and my way of thinking. It was like they feared me because I spoke my mind and didn't hold back.

All my life I felt like God had put me on this earth to suffer, but I know that wasn't the case. God doesn't give you more than you can bear. Now I know my God loves me, and I understand that in life you have choices to make. You can either dwell in self-pity or overcome all your pain and learn to grow from it.

Now I have so many blessings in my life. I don't think I can handle any more happiness. I am in the process of getting my two oldest boys back home, hopefully by February 2008. I have been talking to my boys every day, and they are so happy about coming home. I have missed out on a lot of things in their lives for the past 11 years. I can't do anything about the past, but I surely can do something about the future.

Now I have a wonderful relationship with my mom, and she was able to be with me when I saw my boys for the first time in 11 years. I was overwhelmed with joy. I couldn't control myself. I am determined. I want pure happiness and much success. I deserve it all. I will get my GED in 2008, and then the sky is the limit.